A Woman's Worth

LOVE POEMS

2012-01-25T17:57:00.004-05:00

... Cause I'm in that space right now.

I recommend poems for lovers.

Love Poems

Enjoy!

Bisous!

The Blame Game

2011-12-02T12:35:00.001-05:00

I U-sed to start my sentences off with YOU

Did this and YOU did that and YOU gon

get what YOU got comin' to YOU

But my spirit cried

now it can’t be denied that

it’s not you … it is I.

All the projections of inferior complexions

Mirrored back to myself like a stealth bomb

Shattered the glass that contained my self image

Which I foolishly asked another to hold.

Playin’ the blame game gets old.

But he – no he didn’t

But they – no. not. they.

Carefully detailing all of his faults in a dossier

Oblivious of spirit during the day

And it’s not until I’m asleep

That I get the communique

And here’s what it had to say ...

Have the courage to nourish your OWN womb

Follow the path of those whom have taken

Responsibility for their own destiny.

Back in the day when women, you see,

Were mere accessories, there were still

Those who raised a fist and would not

Be dismissed by any any anyone.

My power and my might lie all in my control

No one else holds the key to my soul

No one has my same goals and there IS

Room at the top for us all to grab hold

I wish I had, but I didn’t

Receive any seeds of encouragement

So I had to say goodbye

Through tear-choked voice

‘cause in the end ... all is a choice

And if I'd chosen to stay

Though I felt my spirit would surely die

On judgment day, what. would be. my alibi ??

It’s not you

No, it’s not you

It’s not you ... It is I.

*** p.s. To all of my friends and followers: you will truly feel the power of your worth when you stop blaming someone else for your choices. The good news is ... we all have the ability within ourselves to make better/different choices each day that we are allowed to live on this earth !!

Bisous!

Be Happy

2011-09-27T10:58:00.000-04:00

“Love is the condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.”

Robert Heinlein

“The reason people find it so hard to be happy is that they always see the past better than it was, the present worse than it is, and the future less resolved than it will be”

Marcel Pagnol

“Don't rely on someone else for your happiness and self worth. Only you can be responsible for that. If you can't love and respect yourself - no one else will be able to make that happen. Accept who you are - completely; the good and the bad - and make changes as YOU see fit - not because you think someone else wants you to be different.”

Stacey Charter

Soyez Contente!
Bisous!

Shoulds and Ifs ...

2011-09-14T04:48:00.000-04:00

Cafe Hugo, Paris, France

I sat in the bustling Café Hugo, in the 4th arrondissement of Paris, on July 25th. It was really cold in Europe. Strange weather. Heat lamps were fired on for patrons to sit and warm up in the middle of the day, in the middle of summer. I had a café crème and watched the people.

I was seated near a man and a woman who began a discussion about the man’s love life, which I could not help but to overhear. He was clearly distraught, voice strained as he spoke to his woman friend in ebbs and flows, being careful to give attention to the background details that would be important if she were to help him decide what course of action he should take. She listened intently, never interrupting, though at times he was at a loss for words that would exasperate the impatient. It was apparent that the man’s romantic interest was another man ... perhaps a powerful and wealthy man.
He pulled out his cell phone and began reading text messages, to her, from his lover. The message in question read, “My meeting, on Monday, in London was cancelled. I should be able to see you on Wednesday, if I can make it to the hotel”. That didn’t seem like a message that needed decoding to me, but the man beseeched his friend to help him understand, “What do you think that means?” The woman asked if the man had already purchased a ticket to London. He said he had, but that based on the text message, he bought an open-ended ticket because he didn’t know exactly when or if he should go. He said that he didn’t want to go and then not see [his lover]. He asked her again, even more pitiful this time, “What do you think it means?” The answer she gave him was so poignant that I had to take out my notepad and write it down so that I wouldn’t forget. She said, “Pay attention to the shoulds and ifs.” He gave her a blank stare. She re-read the text message emphasizing the words should and if, and explained to him that what he had was a non-commitment. She told him that there was no urgency in the words and that, in fact, his paramour could easily not show up … after time and money were spent to go to London … and simply invoke the inference of the words should and if. The flush of understanding stained his brown cheeks and he seemed to swoon.
I’d had the thought earlier, as I'd approached my seat, that she looked like Angela Davis ... but now, I felt sure she must be channeling the very spirit of the woman … in her cool, unwavering assuredness. She didn’t tell her friend what he should do. She didn’t belabor her point. She simply told him to pay attention to the words being said to him. He looked crushed.

I got up to leave and I turned to him and said, “Please allow me to say you are very lucky. She is a good friend”. He grabbed my arm with both his hands and said, “Thank you, Thank you”. I thought he might start to cry, so I hurried away.

To all of my good friends, male and female, who tolerate my pitiful questions and who help me to pay attention to what's being said to me ... I appreciate you more than you know. Thank you.

Bisous!

Journeyman

2011-09-04T19:09:00.000-04:00

He Contemplates the Wonders of Subtractive Art

To those of you who do not know me, but follow what I write, I suppose I should apologize for skipping entire months without an update to this blog. I am sincerely sorry. My intention has always been to write something at least once every ten days. I could cite any number of excuses for my procrastination and easy distractibility but I don't need to because ... man ... look ... empirical evidence suggested a bit of self-absorption was on tap for me.

The start of my personal new year August 2010 was unfortunate to say the least. But gratefully May, June and July of this year contained rewarding events that I have to say - I earned … through demonstration of lessons learned**.

The most rewarding thing to happen was a trip to Paris with my youngest son.

Paris is heaven on earth to me. With each visit I gain more knowledge and it feels more like home ... to the point where serious conversations are occurring surrounding that very topic – making it home. But for now…

The picture above shows my handsome son in pensive thought, bathed in the glow of The Louvre museum.

**In the next few days I will catch up on all of my writings and blogging. I’ve filed away some stories that I hope will provoke thought in you as they have in me. Til tomorrow …

Bisous!

Quote of the Day, Month ... Maybe the Whole Year

2011-06-05T11:29:00.000-04:00

'Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater. If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she'll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal. If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart.

She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her. So, if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of shit.'

You.better.believe.it!

Bisous!

"What Happened In The Kitchen?"

2011-06-01T12:07:00.000-04:00

The kitchen is my domain. Not simply because I’m a woman or because I’m a culinary professional, but because it is where my heart beats … where not only my body is fed, but, my varied energies (artistic, emotive, innovative …) are nourished. I am deeply emotional.

In most homes, the kitchen table is the preferred hub of activity. It’s the place where we gather to share our meals, where we sit and dole out our opinions, where we assemble to play our games and sometimes where we choose to air our grievances.

I was asked that question recently - “what happened in the kitchen?” - by a woman who witnessed me having a conversation with another woman. Our brief chat in the kitchen was unexpected and edgy, but ended in a surprisingly life-affirming way for me. It could have gone much differently, believe me.

I’ve always been of the mindset that women should uphold, affirm, encourage and instruct one another constructively. Cattiness against other women has never been a position that I take. I am awed daily by the power of women and ultimately see us as a sisterhood, and not as opponents in some make-believe battle.

So … It was nice to discover that in a very tense moment, when anything might have been said, my intrinsic belief in solidarity predominated and I was able to make an unlikely, fleeting connection.

The answer to the question is: compassion. That’s what happened in the kitchen.

To My Love

2011-04-13T01:05:00.005-04:00

I love to speak your language.
I love the utterances which come forth from the letters that spell the prose as they glide from my new tongue,
the smell of printed words on paper that I pen letters of passion to my love,
and the taste of promise as I lick the seal. I’m coming.
As before and soon again I’ll cross seas to get to you … to breathe in the scent of you,
in flight until I perceive you, feel high to be near you,
two-decades-long affair (and more) still my eyes do not believe I see you. I stare.
Smiling at our memories, want to start from where we used to be all happy and at ease … can’t wait to drink your wine, and to taste your cheese.
Sometimes in my reverie, I think of you to be
too old and erudite for me. Too cultured and highbrow it seems über chic in your designer jeans
sitting in old world cafés, strolling The Champs Elysées to the genesis of art the cobbled streets of Montmartre
while I just try to keep up.
But that’s the beauty of Europe.
We’re all just trying to be. That’s what you remind me.
Man, I love you.

Why did I ever leave you?

I Climb your tower
and while on top
screaming, stinging tears of joy my cries so primal
the mother land hears his name … Eiffel.

This is an excerpt from a poem I wrote about the place I have had a love affair with since high school. Paris...is my forever love
will never be another love
can’t stay away from you love.

See you soon, love ; )

Bisous!

It Ain't Easy Bein' Me

2011-04-08T18:18:00.001-04:00

mighty girl

super fly chick

beautiful babe

dignified lady

powerful woman

femme fatale

gutsy broad

foxy dame

courageous queen

HOWEVER YOU IDENTIFY ...
THIS WEEKEND

FIND A WAY TO EXPRESS

YOUR FEMININE ENERGY

FIERCELY

AND

WITHOUT

APOLOGY

Bisous

A Letter to My Other Self

2011-04-07T01:13:00.004-04:00

I was reading the work of Burt Goldman the other day about Quantum Jumping - which is based on the revelations of Max Planck one of the founding fathers of Quantum Theory.

Mr. Goldman asserts that one of the biggest breakthroughs in quantum physics is what’s known as “split reality”. According to Mr. Goldman, every decision that we make causes a “split in reality” and creates two alternate versions of ourselves … the one version living out the decision that we consciously made and the other version living out the alternate choice in an alternate universe.

Man, that’s crazy. But interesting.

He states that all we have to do to cross over into the alternate universe - the one where the other us made the better choice, and is living a king’s life – is to transfer our thoughts there.

I supposed he meant meditation. So I’ve tried meditating to the other side, and I still haven’t been able to talk to the Terri that was me … before ... or is it ... the Terri that is me ... there. Anyway, I suspect she’s too busy in Paris being her fabulous self. I’m gonna try again tonight and if I can’t reach her, then tomorrow Imma write me a letter. ((giggle))

I don’t know about all of that, but what I do know is that we strong, healthy, beautiful, educated, worthy, independent, powerful, loving, progressive and free-willed women have it all within us - to be or to do – to compete and to conquer.

And so we shall.

Bisous!

http://www.quantumjumping.com/

Seesaw

2011-04-03T22:29:00.001-04:00

How peculiar would it be to be browsing around in a flea market, minding your own business, and come across a picture of yourself? Imagine how much more eerie that might be if that flea market were in another country – one that you had never visited before.

This was my dream.

In the Polaroid, I am teetering in the air on one half of a seesaw. My face is beaming and I’m laughing, swallowing gulps of air as I rise towards the sky. The photo is taken at an angle which captures me in perfect perpendicularity to the ground; so I feel, looking at it that my playmate, who is absent from the snapshot, is a friend. You’ll understand my friendship theory, and how different my expression might have been if you’ve ever been on a seesaw with someone who is NOT your friend, who weighs twice as much as you do, and holds you in the air at a forty-five degree angle until you contemplate jumping, only to quickly dismount so that you come crashing to the ground. Hard.

Seesaws are a simple example of a mechanical system with two equilibrium positions. One side is stable, while the other is unstable. I’ve been getting back to the basic concepts of happiness that I’ve known for many years, but that I somehow had forgotten – which include – knowing yourself and being balanced.

Keep your balance and make sure the person on the other side is a friend.

Bisous!

He Chose the Poison

2011-03-26T14:17:00.000-04:00

Forgiveness should be an intellectual pursuit. That way, if you’re clever enough, you could learn it the same way as you would an equally hard discipline such as --electrochemistry. And if in fact you were lacking in facility to learn to forgive, you would at least have an excuse.

Myself, I choose to forgive because the sourness of cynicism is a poison. All manner of toxic attitudes and behaviors spread inside your spirit if when given a choice, you choose the poison.

If such a thing as a sunshine procedure did exist -- like in that one movie -- I would not choose it, as that would leave me without the necessary memories to protect myself in the future.

We should forgive but we should not forget.

Bisous!

Disordered Mercies

2011-03-24T18:58:00.000-04:00

I was talking to my friend Murph last night about a specific situation. I told her how I'm trying to recognize negative internal speech before it becomes a planted seed and how I need to reorder my thoughts to avoid inviting into myself undesirable dealings. I was going down that well-worn road of "what is it about me that draws xyz ..." and Murph stopped me to recommend that I take the focus off what I attract and look at what I discern.

We will attract many divergent [things, people, experiences] in our lives because it is a necessary part of our growth process. After all, you cannot pray the prayer of Jabez and remain sheltered.

She further asked me to evaluate my offering of what she called 'Disordered Mercies'. My gift of mercy, she suggested, was without wisdom because I did not discern the unrelenting mercilessness in the other - and that made my offer of mercy, in that situation, disordered. I argued that being compassionate without judgment was a good thing but was told that mercy is to be conducted on equitable terms.

Murph challenged me to evolve further; to discern greater.

I am always grateful for the cognizance of the worth of women, especially when it comes through connection with good girlfriends.

I left the conversation feeling almost glad for 2010 -- a largely lost year for me.

Give trust; extend mercies, but not without considerable discernment.

Bisous!

Freedom

2011-03-23T18:30:00.004-04:00

I was told today - "Don't let anybody steal your joy". I hear that a lot. My thought is that no one stole my joy. I gave it. Freely. I advocate freedom. I practice my freedoms on a daily basis. I believe that lack of freedom (of all sorts) is at the core of so much dissatisfaction in the world.

The trouble with giving your joy away is that some people are so thoroughly unworthy of receiving it. Women often give joy to others outside themselves in sums that exceed what they have stored up, so that they are inevitably depleted.

I tell myself at times like these - when I'm feeling all tetchy (yeah, I said tetchy) - that I should stop giving my joy, my love, my laughter, my self away. I tell myself that it's not worth it. I try to stop. But truth is, I'm helpless.

Not being free to give of myself without being guarded and full of fear would really suck. So, I thank God that I can't stop.

Stealing is not necessary. I give freely ... but I do need to start to pray that the Lord will protect me from predators.

Be Free!

Bisous

2010-11-07T11:21:00.000-05:00

Separate From Myself

2010-11-07T10:11:00.006-05:00

I'm trying not to live separate from myself

It's been one hell of a year!

My personal year is from August 27 to August 27. August of 2009, as most of you read, was such a wonderful spirit filled beginning ---- to a year of endings.

I don't remember, before or since, feeling so closely aligned with myself - my spirit, mind, soul and body all connected and breathing as one entity -- instead of fractious fractions of my whole self.
That summer of 2009 up to and including my birthday and into September is where I am striving to return to - spiritually speaking.

End of September, 2009, I shifted my focus outside myself. My alignment shifted and thus my peace would end. Many of you who have been following my blog since the beginning have noticed ... my voice ended. This blog entry is the first since one year ago.

What I've learned in this past year I will write about eventually. For now, I meditate and try to return to myself.

I offer this meditation:
My healthy emotional balance magnetizes all that I desire.

Bisous

What's That Smell?

2009-11-29T19:59:00.002-05:00

I drove with my children to Atlanta for the holiday. Reluctantly, I took their dog, Coco. At one point during the drive we stopped and I offered for the dog to get out of the car and stretch his legs a bit. I lifted the back door of my car, and instead of jumping out he stood and sniffed the air. He didn’t like what he smelled, apparently, because he refused to get out, though I’d heard him whimpering just minutes before. I looked in the direction from where the wind was blowing, apprehensive, but not seeing anything in the night. Dogs pick up vibes with their wet noses that we can’t even see, looking right at a thing, smiling right in our face.

What the dog smelled reminded me of my hairstylist in L.A; a very interesting, savvy and wise woman. We met in a gym. From the time we first set eyes on each other we were drawn; not sure why, just funny how that happens. I made an appointment one day at a new hair salon and found my gym friend was a stylist there. We became big friends. One day when I was there, at her salon, we were talking about how people turn their personalities on and off. How people, overwhelmingly, don’t feel their feelings. How people are emotionally dishonest. How we pretend so many things. She gave an example of a couple arguing and said that when you walk in on their argument they stop arguing and smile as if nothing’s wrong. Then I agreed and added that you can tell that something’s wrong despite the smiling faces because you can feel it; the energy, in the air. Robin said no, you don’t feel it; you smell it. I was fascinated by that comment. She went on to give her insight that if you walked into a room where there were angry people the biochemicals – the neurotransmitters - would give off a scent; the increased heart rates likely causing sweatiness and other bodily secretions that emit a smell – a smell that you would not be able to identify as norepinephrine or acetylcholine, etc. but nonetheless would be familiar … the smell of anger. I suppose it’s not a whole lot different from other smells. Like the smell of desire, for instance. I know that smell …

So, her point was that we think we feel the energy when we walk into a situation; and maybe we do ‘feel’ something but, before we get close enough to feel anything, in fact, we smell it first. Interesting …

Think about it…

Bisous!

Constant Craving

2009-11-12T13:13:00.003-05:00

When I looked up the definition of the word lover on the internet, the entire first page returned with sites purporting their knowledge of the meaning of the word, lover.

Disappointedly, I read the same definition of lover until ‘The Free Dictionary’ site gave me definition 7a – someone who has a strong predilection or enthusiasm for [a person or thing].

I am a lover.

I love, a lot. I was listening to my ipod, and K.D. Lang’s song ‘Constant Craving’ started playing. I love that song. I love the lyrics. I love how her intonations make you understand Just. How. Hard. she wants what she wants. I love how, when I’m off-kilter, music balances me; inspires me.

My own vibrations rose and fell with the rhythms of that song this morning, bringing me to acute awareness of my own seemingly constant cravings.

The wanting [things, people, places, knowledge] is insatiable, it seems; being that I’m a very curious girl. I don’t find a fault in that, but, how will I ever come to know all that I desire to know? How will I ever have all that I want to have and see all that I wish to see? The hunger is overwhelming at times.

It reminds me of the story of Acres of Diamonds. Where, in the story, the farmer is frustrated because he desires wealth. He leaves his small and unproductive farm and travels the world over looking for wealth which he does not find and becomes full of despair. Meanwhile, the buyer of his farm has discovered, right on that very farm, the largest diamond mine in history. All the wealth he could imagine was right where he was all the time.

In my pursuit of happiness, I must just be. That’s a very hard concept. Buddha offers that, to control desire, we can take adversity as our path. Really?! Thanks for the tip.

Bisous!

Richard

2009-10-23T14:33:00.005-04:00

Recently, my life path crossed the life path of a man named Trung Huang while I was in the Charlotte airport. Mr. Huang is an older, Chinese gentleman, who works in one of the shops in the airport. I was talking to a co-worker of Mr. Huang’s when he came over to listen in on the conversation. I looked at him and smiled. He smiled back, revealing front teeth that were chipped in such a way that made them pointy like a snake’s tongue … the sight of which, made me sad. Mr. Huang’s two front teeth were broken just like my grandmother’s two front teeth had been. He also has stark white hair, that is stick straight and “afro-y” at the same time and I imagined that if I were to touch it, it would be as soft as cotton, just like my grandmother’s.

My grandmother is passed now, but when she was alive and well, we were very close. I miss her. She was beautiful, strong, quiet, very keen and witty. I also came to understand that she was a very passionate woman, but very few would know it. Once it had been determined that neither her spirit nor her will could be controlled by a man, she was subjected to brutal coercion; a fallback position used by many individuals with low self worth and weak intellect. I witnessed the brutality myself many times. Towards the end of her life, when she developed Alzheimer’s and no longer recognized me as her own, I wondered if the force of some of the blows she sustained caused her condition. But this narrative is not about domestic violence or Alzheimer’s. It’s about the last memory of my grandmother and me that I hold close.

My grandmother was spending the weekend with me one spring before she took a turn for the worse. We were sitting at my kitchen table talking and laughing … about what … I don’t remember, because though she was still lively, she was incoherent. I have a dog. His name is Coco. The dog, which my grandmother had seen several times, walked into the room and she said “Oh, you have a dog! What’s his name?” I answered, “Coco”. We continued talking. A few minutes later the dog comes into the room again. “Oh, you have a dog! What’s his name?” I answered again, “Coco”. We continued talking. When the dog comes into the kitchen a third time and she asks the same question with the same tone and pitch as before, I look at her and say “Grandma, I have an idea!” I ran to the pantry and pulled out my can of Nestle’s Rich Hot Cocoa Mix and showed it to her. I said, “Read the can”. She read the can, “Nestle’s Rich Hot Cocoa Mix”. Then I said, “That’s the dog’s name! Coco! So, the next time you see him you’ll be able to remember his name by looking at the can of cocoa mix!” She was all excited and laughing (at my animation). So … we continued talking and sure enough … when the dog walked back into the kitchen she says again, “Oh, you have a dog! What’s his name?” I grab the can of cocoa mix and say “Read the can, grandma. You know his name. Read the can, and tell me what his name is!” She reads the can a couple of times very slowly, “Nestle’s Rich Hot Cocoa Mix”. “Ok” I said, “tell me what his name is” and I could see the wheels turning in her head. She looked at me after a few moments and said, “Richard??!” I was stunned silent for a moment and then I laughed - we laughed - so hard!!!

The memory still makes me laugh hard. And I marvel at the human brain. My grandmother’s brain was all but gone, however, reading the words on that can of hot chocolate, she knew that the only word that could be the name of a person was “Rich”. But, she didn’t say Rich. She said Richard. It blew me away then and it still puzzles me now.

Richard! That’s so funny!

Bisous!

A Man's World

2009-10-20T11:22:00.003-04:00

This is a man's world. It's a man's world. But it wouldn't be nothin' nothin' nothin' - without a woman or a girl.

I know that's right! Y'all betta listen!

Recognize the worth of a woman and realize real, hard, true love.

Bisous!

The Knowingness of Being

2009-10-11T16:34:00.008-04:00

I had a simple thought the other day, which I expressed to a friend. Without knowing it my friend helped to elevate that simple thought to this …

My thought was that I desire to know the truth of love. A simple thought in itself.

My friend said that she wanted to not only BE loved, but to KNOW it as well. Her thought sent me into a stream of reasoning about the differences between BEING and KNOWING.

I can BE a mother just by virtue of becoming impregnated and bearing a child. Anyone with a mature-enough working reproductive system can be a mother. I’m proud to say that I also KNOW what it is to mother a child.
Likewise, any woman can BE a wife by purchasing a marriage license and having a pronouncement by a preacher. Let no man put asunder … Done. But some women, once married, don’t KNOW what it is to BE a wife. My belief is that we marry too young and we marry without understanding what we value first. And because of that, we go through marriages without ever giving them the worth that they deserve … without knowing what it means to be married. I hope to one day KNOW what it means to BE a wife.
But for right now, single again after 16 years of marriage, I’m BEING me. So completely me. Discovering who I am, and sometimes feeling like it’s for the first time, has been truly surreal. Now knowing what I know creates a space of grace for the unknown.

Let's see what happens. Who knows … ya know?? ☺

Bisous!

My Kids R Funny

2009-09-21T18:52:00.004-04:00

Uhmmm ...

For Real.

That's been the only thought I've had for about 18 days now. Distressing. My children, Terran, Sebastian and Skylar, are my only saving grace(s). They make me laugh. Hard. They're some of the funniest people I know. It's good to be queen ... to sit on my throne and be entertained without having to put out any conscious energy of my own.

Skylar is a very serious and literal boy. He's funny like those dudes on The Big Bang Theory. He doesn't mean to be funny, he just is ... in all of his geeky seriousness. He gives Sebastian (who is goofy) and Terran (who is just plain silly) lots to make fun of ... and they take every opportunity! I asked Skylar to start a grocery list on the refrigerator ... you know ... just some things that he'd like for me to pick up. We write the list on our refrigerator with a dry erase marker.

He wrote:

Act II Popcorn (butter lover's)
Tortilla chips (South of the border, premium rounds)
Ramen (chicken, in a cup)
Sprite
Marshmallows

Terran saw it and amended it:

Sprite (lemon lime, clear, fizzy)
Marshmallows (white)
Skylar (dork)

If they can't make you laugh ... what good are they??

Bisous!

Power vs Force

2009-09-09T19:11:00.003-04:00

Affirmations are simple statements that represent a desired outcome, based on the law of attraction. What we think is what we create. To change a negative thought pattern you have to change your thoughts. Positive affirmations is one way to achieve mental change. The more you recite them, the more powerful they become. The more powerful YOU become. Write them down and recite them throughout the day. I recite them at bedtime, after prayer. I'll share some of mine here with you. Think of your own and start to practice until they are not forced but spontaneously flow through your mind.

I am enough

I express my energy and power openly

Completing the old frees me for the new

I am the master of my life

My creative possibilities have no limits

I remain hopeful despite any difficulties

I fully accept and love myself. I am whole and complete

Unlimited good is flowing to me now

I am divinely guided and protected

I wish all of you wellness and light!!! Bisous!

Disappointed Desire

2009-08-31T16:50:00.004-04:00

I had anticipated, upon coming down from my birthday high, that this blog entry would be all butterflies and rainbows.

For my birthday, my personal new year, I journeyed alone to a beautiful little place, physically and spiritually, determined to read, write, pray, meditate and reflect. It was a peaceful, beautiful time. I enjoyed a few spa treatments and really relaxed. I walked and gazed into shop windows on High Street and sipped green tea and felt truly ... high. The fact that the name of the street that I slept in and window-shopped on was actually High St. is a synchronicity.

You see, I'd anticipated this blog entry being about how wonderful synchronicities are and how I'd spotted them, but ... I won't. I'll have to write about synchronicities another day.

Today, I'm sad. I don't wish to offend anyone with my happiness, but I shouldn't have to apologize for it. Yet, because of my disappointed desire to have someone be happy for me, as I am happy for them, I suffer.

So today I'm reminded of what Buddha teaches:

~ You only suffer if you are attached to some thing, some action/non-action, some outcome or some person.

~ Unless we control the craziness of our unceasing desire, there is no way for us to gain tranquility and peace.

Bisous

Journal Entry: June, 2004

2009-08-27T13:55:00.002-04:00

I just got off the phone with you
argument no. 1,000,000,002
Explaining me to you.
Why I think like I think
Why I do what I do
Why I feel how I feel
WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL?!
Who needs love when you got money?

I cry. Why?
You don't recognize me.
Man, I get so tired of explaining
and things not changing
and having the same conversations
just rearranging
the words

My artistry stifled by some trifle of a man!
by whom I'm supposed to be lead?!
God must be shakin' His head.

The entry goes on but I will stop here. Again I say, it's interesting to me to see where my head has been through the years. To see the journey I've been on trying to find the worth in it all.

I encourage everyone to journal.
If you don't ... start.
If you do ... don't stop.

Bisous

Journal Entries ...

2009-08-26T23:08:00.005-04:00

It's almost my birthday.
My personal New Year.
I've driven North and holed up to read, write, meditate and reflect on my past year, and to focus clear intentions on the new year, and to request blessings of the Lord and send my desires out into the Universe. Some of my readings are from my diary and journal entries over the last 20 years. Interesting to see where my head's been ...

Here's one entry dated January 23, 2000:

I'm a churchoholic. I need a twelve step recovery program to help me with my self-destructive urges to come to this church. If there was such a vehicle for corrective -behavior-modification for those who repeatedly get abused at their chosen place of worship yet and still continue to frequent that same said place ... I would immediately plop down my $525 for, I imagine, 12 sessions - figuring as how there would probably be 12 steps; unless they cover more than one step per session, which, for those of us who don't catch on too swiftly that would be defeatist; which is the whole point of coming to the program to begin with, remember?

I DON'T CATCH ON QUICK ENOUGH TO STOP DEFEATIST BEHAVIORS!! HELLLLLO?

Wow.

Bisous

Power Filled Words

2009-08-19T17:18:00.008-04:00

My friend D. Lerner gave me this prayer years ago. I say it when I find that I need to put things back into a right perspective ... remind myself that I am in control of everything ... not the other way around. I don't mean 'in control' in an egoistic way, but in a way that empowers me to make and remake choices each day. I'm grateful for all of my women friends. You all add value to my life in immeasurable ways. Thank you!

A Prayer for Pure Spirit

I know that I am pure spirit. I always have been and I always will be. There is, inside me, a place of confidence, quietness and security where all things are known and understood. This is the universal mind, God, of which I am a part, and which responds to me if I ask of it. This universal mind knows the answers to all of my problems, and even now the answers are speeding their way to me. I needn't struggle for them. I needn't worry or strive for them. When the time comes the answer will be there. I give all of my problems to the Great Mind of God. I let go with the confidence that the correct answers will return to me when they are needed.

Through the great law of attraction, everything in life that I need for my work and fulfillment will come to me. It isn't necessary to strain about this, only believe. For in the strength of my belief, my faith will make it so. I see the hand of divine intelligence all around me, in the flower, in the tree, in the ocean, in the sky. I know that the same intelligence that created all these things is in me and around me, and I can call upon it for my slightest need. I know that my body is a manifestation of pure spirit. That spirit is perfect, therefore, my body is perfect also.

I enjoy life. Each day brings a constant demonstration of the power and the wonder of the universe and myself. I am confident, I am serene, I am sure.

No matter what obstacle or undesirable circumstance crosses my path, I refuse to accept it, for it is nothing but illusion. There can be no obstacle or undesirable circumstance to the mind of God, which is in me, around me and serves me now.

I hope you feel as blessed by it as I do!

Bisous!

Video Game Villain

2009-08-13T19:48:00.004-04:00

Life is like a video game, I imagine. I mean, it has different levels of complexity and different challenges to face and different levels of maturity, I guess.

Lately, I've been contemplating the concept of being "grown-up". When I look at pictures of all of my friends and their adult children, and some of them with their own children, I feel like I should be more mature, maybe.

I often muse, if there are different levels of adult maturity - what are they? And if life is like a video game - what level am I on?

I found out something interesting today. Well, I didn't "find out" so much as I recalled it and then phoned my doctor to confirm it. My blood type is AB positive. What does that have to do with anything?? I hear you asking yourself the question, but stay with me ... try to follow.

I read an article that said in Japan, blood type is used to determine personality and temperament. Scientists often dismiss blood type as an indicator of personality, but in Japan, they publish blood type horoscopes. It made me giggle to read that my blood type personality is the least desirable of all of the blood types because AB+ is characterized as renegades ... loose cannons. But ... while I get a little chuckle out of it on the one hand; on the other hand I'm a little bit like, 'well, if I'm a loose cannon because of my blood type, and my blood type is the rarest with only 5% of all humans having that same blood type, how do you explain so many crazies in the world???' Answer me that???

And to top it off, that same article said that in Japanese video games, blood type is commonly a dimension in character creation. And guess what!? The bad guys always have blood type AB!!

Anyway, all of this reading, coupled with my most-times overactive imagination, leads me to thinking about how I play the villain in my own video game a lot of times.

Which leads me around to saying:

I hate it that I ignore things that I don't want to deal with. I have to work on being more mature in that area. Having a better sense of my self's worth depends on it.

Bisous!!!

The Blame Game

2009-08-08T15:40:00.004-04:00

I U-sed to start my sentences off with YOU

Did this and YOU did that and YOU gon

get what YOU got comin' to YOU

But my spirit cried

now it can’t be denied that

it’s not you … it is I.

All the projections of inferior complexions

Mirrored back to myself like a stealth bomb

Shattered the glass that contained my self image

Which I foolishly asked another to hold.

Playin’ the blame game gets old.

But he – no he didn’t

But they – no. not. they.

Carefully detailing all of his faults in a dossier

Oblivious of spirit during the day

And it’s not until I’m asleep

That I get the communique

And here’s what it had to say ...

Have the courage to nourish your OWN womb

Follow the path of those whom have taken

Responsibility for their own destiny.

Back in the day when women, you see,

Were mere accessories, there were still

Those who raised a fist and would not

Be dismissed by any any anyone.

My power and my might lie all in my control

No one else holds the key to my soul

No one has my same goals and there IS

Room at the top for us all to grab hold

I wish I had, but I didn’t

Receive any seeds of encouragement

So I had to say goodbye

Through tear-choked voice

‘cause in the end all is a choice

And if I'd chosen to stay

Though I felt my spirit would surely die

On judgment day, what. would be. my alibi ??

It’s not you

No it’s not you

It’s not you ... It is I.

Bisous!

The Divine One

2009-08-03T23:14:00.003-04:00

An open letter to whom it may concern ...

For what it's worth ...

You've. been. warned.

Some Things Are Universal

2009-07-27T22:11:00.013-04:00

Things that don't require any interpretation and cannot be convoluted by our own fickle nature are the best, most pure phenomena.

A smile on a harried, rainy morning

Laughter between comrades

Touch of compassion

Hunger of every sort

and ...

Music !!!!

I’ve believed in, and benefited from, music therapy all of my life. Although I'd be lying if I said that at age 7, as I bounced on my bed to "Davey Crockett", or at age 14, as I daydreamed through Teena Marie's "Portuguese Love", that I recognized le chant as an invisible salve being massaged into my brain matter; I can say with absolute certainty that music has played a part in my healing.

Music's healing powers are hypnotizing people all over the world! Let's clap our hands and be awakened to a new harmonious planet.

I saw this video on the ABC evening news on Saturday. I was awestruck as I watched it and days later still can't get it out of my mind. So thought it worth sharing here with any of you who haven't had a chance to see it yet. Bisous!

Signs

2009-07-17T14:33:00.008-04:00

I am (gratefully) filled with Mercurial Energy.
I was born under the mutable zodiac sign of virgo with gemini rising.
Mercury rules both signs.

"The mental skills a person has and the way he uses them tells a great deal about his personality, the construction of his values, his outlook on the world, and his ability to have his ideas and knowledge make an impact on that world. Mercury energy, in and of itself, is considered neutral, somewhat sterile, and even impersonal -- as befits the qualities of reason and logic -- being, in its pure form, devoid of both ego and emotional considerations."

This, in short, means I am a born writer/communicator/linguist. Some things are so clear and evident. Thank you, Father.

One of my goals in writing this blog is to communicate concepts and ideas and to give people something to think about. Not necessarily to persuade anyone to my way of thinking … just to think and possibly spark some worthy conversation.

With communication being two-dimensional and 90% of it being non-verbal, sometimes with people, all you have to go on is signs. I read signs well, but often interpret them to satisfy what I want. I believe it’s only when we ignore the signs that we have trouble in life.

I’m a big sign watcher because people will lie. They say what they think you want to hear or what they were told to tell you or whatever else is convenient. Their words weave a web that hypnotizes you into complacency. You must watch the nonverbal signs – where betrayal of the truth will ooze from their pores.

A person can stop speaking, but cannot stop communicating – whether with hand gestures or eye movements or posturing pretenses. These are all visual signs that cannot be masked and are significant to what one really means to convey.

Our actions really do speak louder than our words.

As I grow and mature and change, I strive to be a person whose words and actions match up … so that when I communicate, all of the signs point in the same direction.

Bisous!

Excerpt taken from: http://www.enchantedspirit.org/Astrology/RulingPlanets/MercuryRulerofVirgo.php

In Pursuit of Happiness

2009-07-12T11:53:00.005-04:00

If there's anything worth slaving over a stove, on a hot summer's morning, it's Eggs Imperial. What raises the egg to a state of sovereignty in this dish is the fact that it sits upon a delicate filet mignon. The tenderloin, which is where the filet comes from, being among the most expensive cuts of beef, makes it fit for an Emperor, hence the name.

It's a take on the classic Eggs Benedict ... which has nothing to do with Benedict Arnold.

Eggs Imperial is an english muffin buttered and toasted topped with a piece of filet (medium, please). On top of the filet is a poached egg and the whole thing drizzled with a ribbon (or more) of bearnaise sauce. I have to say so myself ... it is delicious. The only thing necessary to go with it is mimosa and coffee (of course).

This kind of breakfast/brunch I will usually save for an occasion because bearnaise sauce is no joke to make. There is a lot of prep work to be done and then you have to stand and stir for a solid 10 minutes (at least) and if you let the egg mixture "break" you have to throw it in the garbage and start over! The last time I made it was during the Christmas holiday when I had overnight guests.

Today though, I woke up to beautiful sunlight streaming in. When I walk down the hallway from my bedroom to the kitchen, the wall of glass doors in the kitchen make me wanna sit out on the deck. It's so calm and green and sunny. It's the kind of morning that makes living such a blessing. I'm happy. I feel like I deserve to slave over and then devour Eggs Imperial and drink mimosas ... even though I'm without an overnight guest to spoil. I need to spoil myself. It makes me happy.

Eggs Imperial

2 servings

4 English Muffins
4 Filet Medallions
4 Eggs, poached
4 Egg Yolks
5 peppercorns, crushed
1 cup Fresh Tarragon leaves
4 Shallots, chopped
1/2 cup of White Wine Vinegar
2 Sticks Unsalted butter
pinch of cayenne
salt, pepper
optional: hotsauce to taste

Saute the filet to medium (it's a delicate piece of meat - do not overcook)
keep it warm.

prepare a skillet with water and a teaspoon of vinegar added to poach the eggs

Sauce Preparation:
Heat the butter in a medium saucepan over medium heat just to melt (sit aside to cool, slightly).

Boil shallots, and tarragon, peppercorns in vinegar in a saucepan over medium heat until reduced to about 1/4 cup. Strain the liquid into glass bowl. Whisk in the egg yolks. Place the glass bowl over a pot containing simmering water. Make sure that the top of the water does not touch the bottom of the glass bowl. Whisk constantly. The second that the yolk mixture lightens and begins to thicken slightly, remove the bowl from the heat and continue whisking. Whisk in the melted butter, drizzling it in VERY slowly. Once all of the butter is incorporated add the cayenne and/or hotsauce. Add some extra fresh tarragon to finished sauce to perk up the taste. If the sauce is too thick, thin it out with a little bit of HOT water. Add salt and pepper to taste. Allow the sauce to sit covered and unheated (heat will break the sauce) until ready to use it. If you've not used it all within 4 hours you have to throw it out. It doesn't 'keep' well.

Egg preparation:

Turn the heat on high under the skillet with the water and vinegar. Crack and drop the four eggs into the water and cook just until the egg whites are firm and the yolks are a little runny.

Assembly:

Place the filet on top of the English muffin and the egg on top of the filet and drizzle with the sauce.

My suggestion is to serve with mimosas!

Bisous!

Karma

2009-06-29T20:54:00.004-04:00

I treat everyone beautifully because
I understand karma, you see
- mine reacts swiftly
- to any misdeed.
And while I considered
how I shouldn’t Twitter – tell
the whole world ‘bout yo shit and ‘er …
how you just can’t keep it together …
I come across a note, addressed to no one in particular, and among many
other things says that you made me what I am and how I ...
… well … GAWDAMN?!?!??
I run, look in the mirror
…cause I just got to know
Exactly what about ME a brotha wanna take credit for ?!?!
Did he make me black?
Did he make me female?
Did he craft my intelligence?
Did he train me in my talent?
The answer would be NO to any and all four but
I’ll tell you what he did dude
let his pride blind his wisdom and
when he shoulda been beggin' me
and tryin’ to see how we
could regain harmony
was not understandin’

karma you’ll find

- will ruin you everytime.

Ask yourself - is it worth the risk?

Bisous!

The Pain and The Pleasure

2009-06-24T12:59:00.001-04:00

I bit into a lemon wedge today. Frowned and squinted, tears welled in my eyes cuz the acidic juice made my jaw lock up tight.
Lemon juice is so refreshing.

My Steve Madden’s with the toe out and the little ruffle over the middle of the foot, are so high, they make me feel like I’m perpetually walking downhill. I have to make an effort to consciously walk upright and take small steps, like on stilts. I can only take a few hours of it before my feet scream, but they’re SOoooo pretty.
They make me smile.

Worked out this morning. Arms feel like limp noodles. Coffee splashing over the sides of the rim when I lift the pot from the counter cuz it feels like a 20 pound dumbbell. But just last night my friend remarked that I look really strong, I was pleased.
As the saying goes…no pain, no gain.

The illustrations are to say that in our western culture we want to extract every drop of pleasure out of an experience while managing to avoid the pain. I say “we” to be politically correct, but truth be told, I’ve come to understand the sum of my soul’s desire.

Is an experience worth having if you don’t feel the fullness of it? I say a sure NO. I know that emotion is felt most intensely when you put all of your being in and savor the bad with the good. And ... if at the end of it all ... molasses runs out of the tip of the blade that stabbed me … I’ll smile every time I touch the scar.

Bisous!

Give and Take

2009-06-21T14:56:00.005-04:00

Does a little girl's worth begin in the eyes of her father?

My wish for all fathers is to appreciate that when you
take the time to go out with your daughter you give her means by which to
measure with whom she spends hers

When you take her hand in yours, you give her an understanding
Of what it is to be held in high regard and protected

When you take interest in her, you give clear communication
that without having to merit, she is special

When you find that you need to take leave of your daughter’s mother
make sure to give your daughter an independent identity, after all … it’s not her that you can’t live with.

I’m proud to know some awesome fathers.

Happy Father’s Day!

Just .. Think About That For a Minute

2009-06-18T10:57:00.006-04:00

When the Pawn Hits the Conflicts, He Thinks Like a King
What He Knows Throws the Blows When He Goes to the Fight
and He'll Win the Whole Thing 'Fore He Enters the Ring
There's No Body to Batter When Your Mind Is Your Might
So When You Go Solo, You Hold Your Own Hand
and Remember That Depth Is the Greatest of Heights
and If You Know Where You Stand, Then You'll Know Where to Land
and If You Fall It Won't Matter, Cuz You'll Know That You're Right !!

Wow. Just think about that for a minute. Let those words sink into your psyche. Those 90 words make up the title to Fiona Apple's second album released back in 1999. When I first read those words, I connected with them so fully that I fantasized for a whole month about tattoo'ing them on my torso. Once common sense won out I printed them on a piece of paper and tacked it up on my bulletin board. I ran across that tattered piece of paper this morning and re-reading the words gave me a jolt ... wanted to share it here with those of you who may be unaware of this magnificently talented girl.

It's worth listening to!

Bisous

What do you value?

2009-06-17T11:06:00.003-04:00

OK. This post is a piggie-back of the dialogue started under Mr. Gregory Dicks' page.

I believe we can all identify the problems in a relationship. What I’d like to offer is what I believe is a solution. It’s critically important to identify what you value in a relationship before choosing a mate. If you don't know what you value then you'll settle for what pleases at the moment. I was blessed to be able to identify what I value at the age of 30. Late, but better than never! It was life changing. Once you identify what you value and then you measure every(one or thing) against your values - it either matches up or it doesn't! There's no process of wait and see or any probationary-maybe-it/he/she'll-get-better period. You know right away. Now THERE'S where my problem came in!! At 30 I'd already been married for 5 years and then went through this 12 wk program and discovered what I value in a man, in a relationship, in a marriage. I was sick to look at my life and understand CLEARLY for the first time that how I was living and what I said I valued didn't match up??!!!! I tried, then, for the next 10 years to make how I was living and what I value match. I believe ... the same as I believe that Jesus is the son of God ... that if you identify what you value in a thing - and then you live your life to what you value ... you will ALWAYS be happy. It's my gospel. After ten years, I couldn't get it to match, so I had to make some hard choices and some hard changes to make them match. I am very happy now. I'm trying to develop a program to teach values identification to pre-teens and teens ... that is the age at which time we start to navigate relationships with the opposite sex and start venturing into the work force. Man, I could go on and on about it ... and I do ... to anyone who'll listen because I'm really passionate about it. I believe it'll prevent teenage pregnancies and teenage abuse and generally create a more satisfied generation of people as they mature ... cause when you're happy, you don't tend to hate on other people, ya know?

Bisous

In The Dark

2009-06-15T13:51:00.003-04:00

I cried for you last night
Sobs of frustration and pain
Bitterness and bile stain

The soul whole necessitates prayer

I dreamed of you last night
Only you weren’t you
But a darkly hued stranger
In a you suit

I wanted you last night
But did not touch myself

instead

I held myself and made to myself
promises of truth and light
Smiled 'bout my Phoenician rebirth
and thanked God that no man determines
the measure of my worth.

Rat Bastard

2009-06-13T12:56:00.005-04:00

Have you ever heard someone call someone else a rat bastard? The first time I heard the term was in a movie, it made me laugh hard. Didn’t really think anything about the actual coinage. Today, as I wiled away hours at the hair salon, I read an article about the chemistry of love. This particular author talked about brain chemistry and the interplay of the fear-love connection in attraction. She cited a study done by [I will not name the] University that supposedly proved that the brain of male rats was aroused whenever a new female rat was dropped into the scene. Given time, the male would get tired of copulating with the new female, and start to ignore her.
!!Quelle Surprise!! It’s not until another new female rat is introduced that the male rat becomes re-ignited. But the study also noted that simply because the male rat’s enthusiasm returned when a new female was introduced, it didn’t mean that the male “felt” better for being with a new female.

The male behavior seems to be in the DNA. Unavoidable and easily explained away by “it is what it is” or “this is the way God made the male”.

I found this study fascinating. And I caution you all …

Observe, closely, the behavior of your target, and if he displays this pattern of functioning, understand that it’s not you. It’s his issue, his flaw, his loss … it’s him. Not you. Recognize that a woman's worth is fueled by realizing one's own accomplishments as measured against one’s own goals. Has nothing to do with another human being. Or … in this case … with any rat bastard.

A note for my male followers: Likewise, the female rat only shook her tail at a new male rat but would not shake her tail when a familiar male rat dropped by to check on her.

I am ...

2009-06-11T11:29:00.001-04:00

A woman's worth is a blog about women living their lives free-spirited, independent-thinking and with forward progress, in FULL knowledge of our worth.

Getting to a place where one feels worthy though is sometimes a long arduous road. It starts when we're mere babies. In this age of post-partum depression when moms are unable to connect and bond with their child from the womb ... it's little wonder that from the outset some of us enter the world wondering if we're worthy. Little kids learn early to alienate each other with their cliques ... include some and exclude others. You walk away feeling unworthy of playing with those kids who snubbed you. This continues on and only gets worse as we enter our teenage years and start navigating relationships with the opposite sex. The one you love loves someone else. You feel unworthy of love.

In this blog I'll discuss what I see as some of the obstacles to feeling worthy and talk about all the wonderful possibilities for overcoming those obstacles whether you're 5 or 75.

I am deserving, admirable, honorable, valuable, useful and meritorious. I am worthy. And so are you!

Bisous!