Shoulds and Ifs ...

Cafe Hugo, Paris, France

I sat in the bustling Café Hugo, in the 4th arrondissement of Paris, on July 25th. It was really cold in Europe. Strange weather. Heat lamps were fired on for patrons to sit and warm up in the middle of the day, in the middle of summer. I had a café crème and watched the people.


I was seated near a man and a woman who began a discussion about the man’s love life, which I could not help but to overhear. He was clearly distraught, voice strained as he spoke to his woman friend in ebbs and flows, being careful to give attention to the background details that would be important if she were to help him decide what course of action he should take. She listened intently, never interrupting, though at times he was at a loss for words that would exasperate the impatient. It was apparent that the man’s romantic interest was another man ... perhaps a powerful and wealthy man.
He pulled out his cell phone and began reading text messages, to her, from his lover. The message in question read, “My meeting, on Monday, in London was cancelled. I should be able to see you on Wednesday, if I can make it to the hotel”. That didn’t seem like a message that needed decoding to me, but the man beseeched his friend to help him understand, “What do you think that means?” The woman asked if the man had already purchased a ticket to London. He said he had, but that based on the text message, he bought an open-ended ticket because he didn’t know exactly when or if he should go. He said that he didn’t want to go and then not see [his lover]. He asked her again, even more pitiful this time, “What do you think it means?” The answer she gave him was so poignant that I had to take out my notepad and write it down so that I wouldn’t forget. She said, “Pay attention to the shoulds and ifs.” He gave her a blank stare. She re-read the text message emphasizing the words should and if, and explained to him that what he had was a non-commitment. She told him that there was no urgency in the words and that, in fact, his paramour could easily not show up … after time and money were spent to go to London … and simply invoke the inference of the words should and if. The flush of understanding stained his brown cheeks and he seemed to swoon.
I’d had the thought earlier, as I'd approached my seat, that she looked like Angela Davis ...  but now, I felt sure she must be channeling the very spirit of the woman … in her cool, unwavering assuredness. She didn’t tell her friend what he should do. She didn’t belabor her point. She simply told him to pay attention to the words being said to him. He looked crushed.

I got up to leave and I turned to him and said, “Please allow me to say you are very lucky. She is a good friend”. He grabbed my arm with both his hands and said, “Thank you, Thank you”. I thought he might start to cry, so I hurried away.

To all of my good friends, male and female, who tolerate my pitiful questions and who help me to pay attention to what's being said to me ... I appreciate you more than you know.  Thank you.

Bisous!