The Blame Game

I U-sed to start my sentences off with YOU

Did this and YOU did that and YOU gon

get what YOU got comin' to YOU

But my spirit cried

now it can’t be denied that

it’s not you … it is I.

All the projections of inferior complexions

Mirrored back to myself like a stealth bomb

Shattered the glass that contained my self image

Which I foolishly asked another to hold.

Playin’ the blame game gets old.

But he – no he didn’t

But they – no. not. they.

Carefully detailing all of his faults in a dossier

Oblivious of spirit during the day

And it’s not until I’m asleep

That I get the communique

And here’s what it had to say ...

Have the courage to nourish your OWN womb

Follow the path of those whom have taken

Responsibility for their own destiny.

Back in the day when women, you see,

Were mere accessories, there were still

Those who raised a fist and would not

Be dismissed by any any anyone.

My power and my might lie all in my control

No one else holds the key to my soul

No one has my same goals and there IS

Room at the top for us all to grab hold

I wish I had, but I didn’t

Receive any seeds of encouragement

So I had to say goodbye

Through tear-choked voice

‘cause in the end ... all is a choice

And if I'd chosen to stay

Though I felt my spirit would surely die

On judgment day, what. would be. my alibi ??

It’s not you

No, it’s not you

It’s not you ... It is I.

*** p.s. To all of my friends and followers: you will truly feel the power of your worth when you stop blaming someone else for your choices. The good news is ... we all have the ability within ourselves to make better/different choices each day that we are allowed to live on this earth !!

Bisous!

Be Happy

“Love is the condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.”

Robert Heinlein

“The reason people find it so hard to be happy is that they always see the past better than it was, the present worse than it is, and the future less resolved than it will be”



Marcel Pagnol




“Don't rely on someone else for your happiness and self worth. Only you can be responsible for that. If you can't love and respect yourself - no one else will be able to make that happen. Accept who you are - completely; the good and the bad - and make changes as YOU see fit - not because you think someone else wants you to be different.”


Stacey Charter


Soyez Contente!
Bisous!

Shoulds and Ifs ...

Cafe Hugo, Paris, France

I sat in the bustling Café Hugo, in the 4th arrondissement of Paris, on July 25th. It was really cold in Europe. Strange weather. Heat lamps were fired on for patrons to sit and warm up in the middle of the day, in the middle of summer. I had a café crème and watched the people.


I was seated near a man and a woman who began a discussion about the man’s love life, which I could not help but to overhear. He was clearly distraught, voice strained as he spoke to his woman friend in ebbs and flows, being careful to give attention to the background details that would be important if she were to help him decide what course of action he should take. She listened intently, never interrupting, though at times he was at a loss for words that would exasperate the impatient. It was apparent that the man’s romantic interest was another man ... perhaps a powerful and wealthy man.
He pulled out his cell phone and began reading text messages, to her, from his lover. The message in question read, “My meeting, on Monday, in London was cancelled. I should be able to see you on Wednesday, if I can make it to the hotel”. That didn’t seem like a message that needed decoding to me, but the man beseeched his friend to help him understand, “What do you think that means?” The woman asked if the man had already purchased a ticket to London. He said he had, but that based on the text message, he bought an open-ended ticket because he didn’t know exactly when or if he should go. He said that he didn’t want to go and then not see [his lover]. He asked her again, even more pitiful this time, “What do you think it means?” The answer she gave him was so poignant that I had to take out my notepad and write it down so that I wouldn’t forget. She said, “Pay attention to the shoulds and ifs.” He gave her a blank stare. She re-read the text message emphasizing the words should and if, and explained to him that what he had was a non-commitment. She told him that there was no urgency in the words and that, in fact, his paramour could easily not show up … after time and money were spent to go to London … and simply invoke the inference of the words should and if. The flush of understanding stained his brown cheeks and he seemed to swoon.
I’d had the thought earlier, as I'd approached my seat, that she looked like Angela Davis ...  but now, I felt sure she must be channeling the very spirit of the woman … in her cool, unwavering assuredness. She didn’t tell her friend what he should do. She didn’t belabor her point. She simply told him to pay attention to the words being said to him. He looked crushed.

I got up to leave and I turned to him and said, “Please allow me to say you are very lucky. She is a good friend”. He grabbed my arm with both his hands and said, “Thank you, Thank you”. I thought he might start to cry, so I hurried away.

To all of my good friends, male and female, who tolerate my pitiful questions and who help me to pay attention to what's being said to me ... I appreciate you more than you know.  Thank you.

Bisous!

Journeyman



He Contemplates the Wonders of Subtractive Art







To those of you who do not know me, but follow what I write, I suppose I should apologize for skipping entire months without an update to this blog. I am sincerely sorry. My intention has always been to write something at least once every ten days. I could cite any number of excuses for my procrastination and easy distractibility but I don't need to because ... man ... look ... empirical evidence suggested a bit of self-absorption was on tap for me. 

The start of my personal new year August 2010 was unfortunate to say the least. But gratefully May, June and July of this year contained rewarding events that I have to say -  I earned … through demonstration of lessons learned**.

The most rewarding thing to happen was a trip to Paris with my youngest son.

Paris is heaven on earth to me. With each visit I gain more knowledge and it feels more like home ... to the point where serious conversations are occurring surrounding that very topic – making it home. But for now…

The picture above shows my handsome son in pensive thought, bathed in the glow of The Louvre museum.

**In the next few days I will catch up on all of my writings and blogging. I’ve filed away some stories that I hope will provoke thought in you as they have in me. Til tomorrow …



Bisous!

Quote of the Day, Month ... Maybe the Whole Year

'Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater. If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she'll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal. If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart.



She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her. So, if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of shit.'
 
You.better.believe.it!
 
Bisous!

"What Happened In The Kitchen?"

The kitchen is my domain. Not simply because I’m a woman or because I’m a culinary professional, but because it is where my heart beats … where not only my body is fed, but, my varied energies (artistic, emotive, innovative …) are nourished. I am deeply emotional.



In most homes, the kitchen table is the preferred hub of activity. It’s the place where we gather to share our meals, where we sit and dole out our opinions, where we assemble to play our games and sometimes where we choose to air our grievances.


I was asked that question recently - “what happened in the kitchen?” - by a woman who witnessed me having a conversation with another woman. Our brief chat in the kitchen was unexpected and edgy, but ended in a surprisingly life-affirming way for me. It could have gone much differently, believe me.


I’ve always been of the mindset that women should uphold, affirm, encourage and instruct one another constructively. Cattiness against other women has never been a position that I take. I am awed daily by the power of women and ultimately see us as a sisterhood, and not as opponents in some make-believe battle.


So … It was nice to discover that in a very tense moment, when anything might have been said, my intrinsic belief in solidarity predominated and I was able to make an unlikely, fleeting connection.


The answer to the question is: compassion. That’s what happened in the kitchen.

To My Love

I love to speak your language.
I love the utterances which come forth from the letters that spell the prose as they glide from my new tongue,
the smell of printed words on paper that I pen letters of passion to my love,
and the taste of promise as I lick the seal. I’m coming.
As before and soon again I’ll cross seas to get to you … to breathe in the scent of you,
in flight until I perceive you, feel high to be near you,
two-decades-long affair (and more) still my eyes do not believe I see you. I stare.
Smiling at our memories, want to start from where we used to be all happy and at ease … can’t wait to drink your wine, and to taste your cheese.
Sometimes in my reverie, I think of you to be
too old and erudite for me. Too cultured and highbrow it seems über chic in your designer jeans
sitting in old world cafés, strolling The Champs Elysées to the genesis of art the cobbled streets of Montmartre
while I just try to keep up.
But that’s the beauty of Europe.
We’re all just trying to be. That’s what you remind me.
Man, I love you.


Why did I ever leave you?


I Climb your tower
and while on top
screaming, stinging tears of joy my cries so primal
the mother land hears his name … Eiffel.


This is an excerpt from a poem I wrote about the place I have had a love affair with since high school. Paris...is my forever love
will never be another love
can’t stay away from you love.

See you soon, love    ; )


Bisous! 

It Ain't Easy Bein' Me

mighty girl

super fly chick

beautiful babe

dignified lady

powerful woman

femme fatale

gutsy broad

foxy dame

courageous queen

 HOWEVER YOU IDENTIFY ...
THIS WEEKEND

FIND A WAY TO EXPRESS

YOUR FEMININE ENERGY

FIERCELY

AND

WITHOUT

APOLOGY

Bisous

A Letter to My Other Self

I was reading the work of Burt Goldman the other day about Quantum Jumping - which is based on the revelations of Max Planck one of the founding fathers of Quantum Theory.


Mr. Goldman asserts that one of the biggest breakthroughs in quantum physics is what’s known as “split reality”. According to Mr. Goldman, every decision that we make causes a “split in reality” and creates two alternate versions of ourselves … the one version living out the decision that we consciously made and the other version living out the alternate choice in an alternate universe.


Man, that’s crazy. But interesting.


He states that all we have to do to cross over into the alternate universe - the one where the other us made the better choice, and is living a king’s life – is to transfer our thoughts there.


I supposed he meant meditation. So I’ve tried meditating to the other side, and I still haven’t been able to talk to the Terri that was me … before ... or is it ... the Terri that is me ... there. Anyway, I suspect she’s too busy in Paris being her fabulous self. I’m gonna try again tonight and if I can’t reach her, then tomorrow Imma write me a letter. ((giggle))

 I don’t know about all of that, but what I do know is that we strong, healthy, beautiful, educated, worthy, independent, powerful, loving, progressive and free-willed women have it all within us - to be or to do – to compete and to conquer.


And so we shall.


Bisous!

http://www.quantumjumping.com/

Seesaw

How peculiar would it be to be browsing around in a flea market, minding your own business, and come across a picture of yourself? Imagine how much more eerie that might be if that flea market were in another country – one that you had never visited before.



This was my dream.


In the Polaroid, I am teetering in the air on one half of a seesaw. My face is beaming and I’m laughing, swallowing gulps of air as I rise towards the sky. The photo is taken at an angle which captures me in perfect perpendicularity to the ground; so I feel, looking at it that my playmate, who is absent from the snapshot, is a friend. You’ll understand my friendship theory, and how different my expression might have been if you’ve ever been on a seesaw with someone who is NOT your friend, who weighs twice as much as you do, and holds you in the air at a forty-five degree angle until you contemplate jumping, only to quickly dismount so that you come crashing to the ground. Hard.


Seesaws are a simple example of a mechanical system with two equilibrium positions. One side is stable, while the other is unstable. I’ve been getting back to the basic concepts of happiness that I’ve known for many years, but that I somehow had forgotten – which include – knowing yourself and being balanced.


Keep your balance and make sure the person on the other side is a friend.






Bisous!

He Chose the Poison

Forgiveness should be an intellectual pursuit. That way, if you’re clever enough, you could learn it the same way as you would an equally hard discipline such as --electrochemistry. And if in fact you were lacking in facility to learn to forgive, you would at least have an excuse.



Myself, I choose to forgive because the sourness of cynicism is a poison. All manner of toxic attitudes and behaviors spread inside your spirit if when given a choice, you choose the poison.


If such a thing as a sunshine procedure did exist -- like in that one movie -- I would not choose it, as that would leave me without the necessary memories to protect myself in the future.

We should forgive but we should not forget.

Bisous!

Disordered Mercies

I was talking to my friend Murph last night about a specific situation.  I told her how I'm trying to recognize negative internal speech before it becomes a planted seed and how I need to reorder my thoughts to avoid inviting into myself undesirable dealings.  I was going down that well-worn road of "what is it about me that draws xyz ..." and Murph stopped me to recommend that I take the focus off what I attract and look at what I discern.

We will attract many divergent [things, people, experiences] in our lives because it is a necessary part of our growth process.  After all, you cannot pray the prayer of Jabez and remain sheltered.

She further asked me to evaluate my offering of what she called 'Disordered Mercies'.  My gift of mercy, she suggested, was without wisdom because I did not discern the unrelenting mercilessness in the other - and that made my offer of mercy, in that situation, disordered.  I argued that being compassionate without judgment was a good thing but was told that mercy is to be conducted on equitable terms.

Murph challenged me to evolve further; to discern greater.

I am always grateful for the cognizance of the worth of women, especially when it comes through connection with good girlfriends.

I left the conversation feeling almost glad for 2010 --  a largely lost year for me.

Give trust; extend mercies, but not without considerable discernment.

Bisous!

Freedom

I was told today - "Don't let anybody steal your joy". I hear that a lot. My thought is that no one stole my joy. I gave it. Freely. I advocate freedom. I practice my freedoms on a daily basis. I believe that lack of freedom (of all sorts) is at the core of so much dissatisfaction in the world.



The trouble with giving your joy away is that some people are so thoroughly unworthy of receiving it. Women often give joy to others outside themselves in sums that exceed what they have stored up, so that they are inevitably depleted.



I tell myself at times like these - when I'm feeling all tetchy (yeah, I said tetchy) - that I should stop giving my joy, my love, my laughter, my self away. I tell myself that it's not worth it. I try to stop. But truth is, I'm helpless.



Not being free to give of myself without being guarded and full of fear would really suck. So, I thank God that I can't stop.



Stealing is not necessary. I give freely ... but I do need to start to pray that the Lord will protect me from predators.

Be Free!



Bisous